Time is Running Out
Hello!
The past couple days I have woken up after 11:30 and done nothing with my life. Okay, that may be a little dramatic. But, that's how it feels. I feel like no one relies on me to do something everyday. I am not held accountable by anything, and I want to be, but I am scared.
Do you ever feel like time is running away from you? Like the clock ticks faster and faster everyday. Like a constant replay of “Running Out of Time” from Hamilton.
Time is probably one of my biggest fears, which in my head is so strange. I look out at my life ahead of me and I know that I have such a long way to go, but I think about how it feels like I just graduated high school yesterday.
I took a creative writing class in college. The first half I was so scared of people's opinions that I wrote things that I knew weren’t my best. I knew the exact feedback that each person would give me, because I would give myself the same critiques. My grades were taking a hit. So, for our last assignment I wrote something that I really enjoyed. The class loved my story, and they were thoroughly intrigued. Their feedback made my story even better. In my Final Analysis we had to write our own opinions about each of our pieces. It included why we wrote it, what critiques we took and didn't take, and our new revised version of each story . I was honest and I told my professors what I had been doing. To my surprise they responded with, “we could tell.” They noticed the switch in my writing style from when I was writing random crap to something that I actually wanted to write.
All that to say, I think I sorta self-sabotage. Let me rephrase, I know that I self-sabotage. It’s easier for me to hear the critiques on something that I knew would be bad, rather than hear the critiques on something I loved. And for this business I have loved it sooo much on my side of the screen. Over the past couple months this business has kinda been my baby (again all on this side of things). I have made lists upon lists of things I need to do. I have signed up for social media courses. I’ve made art projects, videos, mood boards, pretty much everything you can think of, and yet I have put none of it online. It stays hidden in my photo album called, “With Love, Pixie Rain” and to be honest I don't plan on posting half the things in there.
Anyway, the point of this blog is to get you to hold me accountable. Now this requires no direct action from you, I just need to understand in my own head that there are people who read this, or watch my videos, or keep up with my socials, and I need to actually show up for them, not just for myself. So I am going to try.
I am going to take myself away from the idea that this business is me. If it fails it fails. I’ll just use ChatGPT to give me a new business name and, in the famous words of Ross Geller, “Pivot!!!!” If this business fails it is not the end of the world, and if it succeeds, welp, go me I guess.
With Love,
Pixie Rain
Hey there! I hope you enjoyed this blog. If you have any suggestions for me about what I should write about let me know by contacting me. Just press the “Blog Idea” button before you send it. Thank you for reading my rambling, it really means more than you know.
