I Never Wore Crosses

I have been a Christian since I was seven years old. From that point on I have done my best to walk a life with God and show others the joy of living like Christ. 

However, through all of that, I had never worn crosses. I believed that the cross was a symbol of Jesus’ death. Which is true, but every time I saw someone wear a cross all I could think about was, “He rose from the grave. Why are they wearing something that marks his death, that, in symbolism, keeps him dead?”

I carried this idea of what the cross stood for throughout all my teenage years and more and more reasons started piling on of why I shouldn't wear crosses. Some along the lines of, “Only the teens who are begging for attention wear crosses. They don’t actually believe, they are just trying to show off.” Other reasons went a little like, “God (apart from Jesus) saved me too, I want to give glory to him mainly.” 

Reason after reason, excuse after excuse, and I got to the point that the cross became a negative symbol to me. All I could see was hypocrisy, death, and glory to the wrong power. My mind was flooded with negativity everytime a cross was shown. And that viewpoint of the cross eventually led to my viewpoint of Jesus as well. Anytime someone praised Jesus but didn’t mention the Lord I would get offensive inside. I would think to myself, “Jesus didn’t create the foundation of the world, give credit where credit is due.” I had a toxic view of Jesus all because I couldn’t comprehend the connection between our loving God and his son. The connection that literally saved my life. I didn’t understand that God was Jesus and vice versa.

When my family and I moved to Franklin, I felt a pull toward this pair of cross earrings. They had small hoops with a simple ornate cross dangling from them. I decided to buy them and wear them out of the store. They were my first cross item that I had ever bought. Since that day, anytime I wear those earrings a stranger always comments about them. Whether it's to tell me that they like them, or to tell me something cool about the Bible that they have been learning. 

I realized that these cross earrings opened up a whole community that I never knew existed. No one had ever come up to me to talk about God, and I would get offended when someone would refer to me as “non-religious.” Which rightfully so. 

My striving goal in life is to please the Lord, and if people are automatically assuming that I am not religious then something is wrong. 

These cross earrings gave me a new perspective on everything that I had believed before. Who cares if someone else wears crosses to “show off.” I wear my crosses to tell other people that I am a part of the christian community. I notice that when I wear them I automatically seem brighter and I guess more approachable because people often come and talk to me when I wear them as opposed to my other earring choices. 

On another note, I have started looking at the cross with a new lens. I no longer see death, I see life. I see what comes after the cross. The cross is a reminder to us Christians that Jesus literally died for us. We would not be saved without the death of God's son. And yes that is a hard pill to swallow, but it's true and the truth is sometimes hard to understand. Having the cross close to me is a constant reminder of the sacrifice that I am eternally grateful for.

Given the circumstances, I also decided to read through the Gospels and learn more about Jesus. I have always known of his life and read his stories. And I have always believed that he died for me, but the actual connection between me and Jesus seemed lost in comparison to the connection that I had with God. For some reason I felt like too many people were putting their full trust in Jesus and not God. Which, first off,  isn’t for me to determine. And, second, it finally clicked that Jesus and God are one in the same. 

I wanted to change the negative view that I had on Jesus. I just finished Mark the other day and now I am on Luke. Simply said, Jesus is the bomb. He is a healer. Jesus is a rule-breaker. He is not confined to the laws of this world. Reading through the gospels has brought me peace about my relationship with Jesus. And now when I read through the old testament I see his story reflected in everyone else's. 

All this to say, it may feel like your journey with God has been mundane or steady, and while that may be true at this moment, there will be times when it gets a little rocky. I am in no way a Master of Divinity, but I will say, The best thing that I have found is to go back to the Bible under any circumstance. Check your feelings because they are not what determines who God is. In the end God has written a full on love letter to us. So we should pine over it, crave it. The best advice I have heard is that if you aren’t hungry for the word of God, you need to read it. Because the more we immerse ourselves in His word the more hunger we feel for it. 

Anyway, I hope you get some kind of value from this.  I really enjoyed writing about my spiritual journey, and this isn't even the tip of the iceberg. 

With Love,

Pixie Rain

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