It Was Going to Happen Eventually…

So I have some sad news…

I am sad. I know it’s a crazy anomaly that doesn’t happen often. Now just a preface, this blog post isn’t so that I can get some pity and you can be sad for me, cause I hate hate HATE making other people feel any kind of negative emotion. But, I think it’s important that I bring to light the fact that everyone was right. Just because I moved to a new city and I post beautiful things all the time, that doesn’t mean that my social media is a reflection of my exact life. A lot of times I start to get other peoples lives stuck in my head and I think, “well their lives are amazing, how could they ever be sad.” I took on this mindset for the past couple months just thinking, “well if they can move and do all these things and be completely happy then i can too.” But, unfortunately, that is not the reality of my situation. 

Yes, I moved to an amazing city. Yes, my schedule is jam packed with fun activities and trips. But, the problem that I am struggling with is that I only have one friend here. I don’t go to community nights, I don’t text someone everyday, and I don’t have coffee meetups once a week. I sit in a coffee shop's backroom looking at the empty chair across from me waiting and hoping for the day that it is occupied by someone other than my mom. I love my mom, don’t get me wrong, but I need someone my age to hangout with too.

It really hit me last week when my parents left for a trip. I was sitting in my room thinking about my upcoming week, and I realized that I could go the entire week not speaking to another human being in person and no one would know. And that thought scared me. It scared me enough to go to the pottery painting shop all by myself. I didn't talk to anyone, but I overheard other people's conversations. It made me feel like I was a part of a community. I think the biggest struggle with being both an extrovert and introvert is the crazy switchup. Somedays I could go the entire day locked up in my room and not talk to even my family, but other days I feel like I will just rot away if I don't have a conversation with someone. And it just so happened that this week, when my parents were gone, and I had made no plans with my one friend, that I felt like I was rotting away. 

So I decided that I was sick of waiting for someone to come up and talk to me. I texted my friend and made plans. I decided that I would go to a church community night on monday. And I decided that I would work from some place in the community, not just at home. I am so tired of being alone, of not using my voice but to say hello to the baristas at the coffee shop.

So, I am going to change that. I know God has a plan for me, but that plan is not going to just suddenly thrust itself upon me, I have to take steps. I have to start somewhere. I made a plan. I have goals now. And it is making me so much more excited about getting up everyday. 

And I want to be kept accountable, and there is nothing that I love more, apart from Jesus, than shopping. So, everytime that I make a big step towards one of my goals, I get to shop. My first reward is this beautiful Hosanna Revival Bible that I have been wanting for months. In order to get it, I must go to the Monday night College and Career group at this one church two weeks in a row. I am extremely scared. My stomach literally turns everytime I think about it. But, having no friends (and no Bible), scares me much much more.

This blog hopefully serves as an encouragement to get off your phone and be in the presence of real people. Go sit at a coffee shop or bookstore, say hi to a stranger that you pass. Just do something that puts yourself out there.

Speaking of which, one of the things that I decided to do was film my first ever youtube video. I am going to start getting serious with my youtube and instagram, if you wanna follow along please do!

Anyway, I hope you take some action today.

With Love,

Pixie Rain